Nellie from Kathmandu-- March 28, 2009

Hello Dear Friends. I am sitting in a small cafe and looking out the front door to the Great Stupa in Kathmandu. Actually, this village is Boudnath. I arrived yesterday afternoon after harrowing and long travel in India. First the train from Delhi which left at 11:30 p.m. and the sleeper birth which was a small cot in an "alcove" with three strangers. It took me a few moments to sort out my attitude and then, going with the flow I rested but didn't sleep much! The conductor got me a chai when we stopped at Hardiwar, so that didn't help, but who can refuse such an offer? Then, hours of waiting, and off we went.

On the plane, sitting on the left side, emergency exit, as we approached Kathmandu, the very heavy cloud cover opened up to reveal the great treasure of the Himalayas. There was Everest and there the range was in all her majesty until we descended through the mountainous valleys that is Nepal.I am staying in a monastery that was founded by the great Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche who was a teacher and student of the Dalai Lama. He founded Shechen monastery, which includes this sweet and very peaceful guesthouse which abounds with Westerners; the most I have seen since I departed the U.S.

I went to sleep early after a meal that was delicious in this also lovely little vegetarian restaurant of the guest house and woke up for a 3 a.m. prayer practice and empowerment with Khyentse Yangse, who is the reimcarnation of Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, the founder. I sat in the back of the temple with the little lamas and other Nepalese! I just love making faces in between my meditations at them and watch their smiles! The Kam Geko, who is the disciplinarian and who walks through making sure everyone is being good, didn't catch me! .

What is it about this place? I can hardly say. It is not different from my Catholic upbringing, in that there is much prayer and ritual attached to Buddhism. There is great devotion and watching the many people now passing in front of me with their malas, reciting Om Mani Padme Hung, the mantra of compassion, as the beads slide between their fingers quickly and constantly is not different for me than a trip I made in the 80's to Mejugorje in Croatia and the many Rosaries pilgrims pray there for the same intention; to alleviate suffering and to find peace.

I will stay at Shechen for another night, and then to the Lotus Guest House tomorrow for 3 nights before I depart for my home away from home, Dehradun and the nuns of Samten Ling Nunnery. I don't know by what Grace all of this has unfolded, but I only know that what I experience day by day, is deep Joy, gratitude and contentment. The journey has been worthwhile, and I don't just mean India. I am speaking of the journey of my life. The most difficult and powerful healing for me was absolutely the past year prior to my departure and the process of filing Chapter 7 and letting go of everything I own except for the suitcase I brought here.

I faced my life and my self and I think I learned how little we know of the richness of who we are when we judge our experiences as good and bad, seeking to get what we want and avoid what we are afraid of. The truth of our lives is that every experience is a door unlocking something hidden in the mind. I had already decided to give everything away before I put the house on the market! But the key for me which I think I have already shared was the process of forgiving myself everything and everyone else for everything in my life! Through that year, I felt very much as the prodigal daughter, who returned to the Father with nothing of the world, but was given a feast instead. I learned to simply accept myself in a deep and profound way, and to love myself as I am. What a gift. And of course, it led here, to India, where I was always headed anyway! Some of you knew I was coming here before I did!

You cannot do anything to change the truth of who you are. Nothing. No-thing can change that. So losing those "things" is nothing! So, here with nothing I have everything, and peace.

"Don't be afraid of non-being," said Rumi. "If you want to be afraid, be afraid of the life you have now." Rumi was a lover of God., a devotee of Love Itself. When the economy seems to threaten your reality, remember that the Truth, what is Real, cannot be threatened. Ever. The "real" world is beyond the conception of the mind and beyond the conception of thought, but we are swimming in it all the time! We are dreaming our lives. Let's awaken.

I look out to the light that shines on this stupa and people from all over the world, circumabulating the stupa and stepping in and out of these little shops meet my eyes and sometimes our hands, folded in front of our hearts, communicates Namaskar- God be with you.