May 7, 2009-- Coming Home

Hello, Dear Friends,

It seems that I have been remiss and have not been in touch; forgive me! I have been closing out this year with the nuns I am officially finished with teaching as our academic year is over and the next few weeks are just exams and self study! I have time to meditate and read - in fact, many nuns and monks leave for the summer and will be gone before I am so there will be lots of time for practice - hope I take advantage of it! The last week, instead of traveling, I'll go into retreat to prepare to come home. AND to stay home.

Just this past week, I felt that it was time for me to return to my life and work in the states. I will not be returning in the fall to India as planned and here at the nunnery, the process of saying goodbye is in full swing and is hard. The nuns had a tea to thank 2 other lamas for their work and for me just the other day - the leaving became official. Wow. It seems that I have been here forever and just arrived.

For me and for my own healing process, I think Nepal sealed the deal! Much happened that is impossible to describe in words in terms of the interior - the realm of the mind. The searching and struggle to find God, the Truth, that I have been on for 40 years seemed to culminate there, in Kathmandu, and so many memories, meditations, insights, struggles and questions came together for me, as if something woven like a blanket, was completed and the threads all formed an understanding deep, deep, - someplace deep within.

I am looking forward to coming home but also hope I am able to maintain the simplicity that this nunnery has allowed me to experience as a lifestyle. How do I thank all these nuns and the staff? How can I ever let them know the Gift of being here? The generosity and kindnesses - where do I begin? One ani, Sangay, came to my room and asked if I was not coming back and was so sad. She will be here all summer; we have time before I leave to say good-bye and find the Gift of knowing that our connection is beyond space and time - this is my wish and my hope as I leave my friends and this family....

I have the retreat in mid-June in Annapolis and in late June in Jacksonville and then in Oklahoma in August and I know these three gatherings witll give me the opportunity to articulate some of these experiences - the struggles and the insights form the fabric of this weaving! May it keep us all warm! And then, the Path will unfold as it always does, with Grace.

Many time over this past 8 months I have remembered that we are like children sleeping and dreaming terrible dreams and Compassion is the Mother who is holding us as we sleep until we gently awaken.

Much love to you all. What a REUNION we will have! Nellie